The Dating Pool: Part Two, Swimming at the Deep End

After I posted last week, I received questions regarding whether I had ever made use of the suggestions on that list. Full disclosure: only one. I met my (now late) husband Jerry through mutual friends who were sure we'd hit it off. Obviously, they were right.

Most of those items listed and the ones below resulted from your emails or blog comments. So although I can't rely on a huge body of personal experience, I've got great connections who are willing to share. Thanks everyone. Here are six more.

1. Class Reunions. From Phyllis: "My suggestion for meeting men is 'Go to your class reunion.'  You might see your first crush there...and he might still see you as a 16 year old cutie. Having said that, I do know several people who reunited at their reunions and others who were so sad that the cutest guy in the class is now bald, overweight and really boring." 


Campus Erasmus Hall High School,
Spring Reunion. Photo courtesy Les Baum

The opposite situation is the nerd who turned into Prince Charming in the intervening years, remembers you as the girl he adored from afar and is thrilled to reconnect.  

Searching for Mr. Right among the alums should never be the primary reason to attend a reunion, but strange and wonderful things can happen when the band launches into the slow-dance songs of our era. Caveat: be sure your partner is available. For all you know, the wife could be home babysitting the grandkids.

2. Online Dating Sites. Yes, I know, you'd never descend to that, but this is the twenty-first century and it's beyond acceptable, it's a rite of passage for singles. My podiatrist is on JDate. My tax preparer (male) is on Match.com. And a lawyer friend met a great guy on Ourtime.com

My favorite response is from Deb. "An online dating site (Matchmaker.com)  is how I met my current husband, 13 years ago, when the online dating forum was not as mainstream and socially acceptable as it is now. It was a real leap of faith (and some other things!), but it paid off for me. I would never have found him otherwise, and I know that---and thank God for him each and every day."

Lovely. And encouraging. Sure there are horror stories, but usually even bad dates make for great anecdotes. Caveat: take his posted info with not a grain but a shaker of salt. As one woman wrote, "Mentally add ten pounds to his weight,  three years to his profile photo, and deduct two inches from his stated height." We'll devote an entire column to online dating soon, but why not begin your research now? You can browse for free on many sites.

3. Facebook and other Social Networking Sites. 'Fess up. Who hasn't looked up an old boyfriend on FB? Then sighed and moved on. Because he's married. Or he lives cross country. Or you remember why you broke up in the first place--that hyena laugh and the way he held his fork like a shovel. When old flames reappear, embers are stirred, and you can get warmed or you can get burned. You may have background in common, but foreground?...not so much. Proceed slowly. No flights to Bermuda for a first time meet after a few postings. Common sense above all.

4. Conferences. You attended them for work and it was all business. Now, they can be sources of something more. You're into genealogy? I know of a professor from D.C. who'd been on  dating sites for months but found his perfect match at a conference in Oregon where he and a likeminded woman were both shaking their family trees. Turned out she lived only a few miles from him back East. Common interests make for great conversation which makes for connections which may lead to, well, dancing.

5. Hardware Stores and other emporiums like bicycle shops and boat dealerships attract men in their most helpful mode. See comments on last week's posting.

6. Fly fishing. A new one for me. But my brilliant, beautiful cousin submitted: "Try fly fishing. Every fishing lodge is all men, all wealthy, educated and mostly single." Also golfing brings out fit, active dudes. Sports attract men. So If you have an interest, take a class, or hit the links or the courts, you may realize a bonus.

Speaking of bonuses, that adds up to one more than the originally promised ten. Nor is the list complete. If you continue sending in suggestions, I'll keep posting them. 

And, most important--as I was reminded by a thoughtful reader--sometimes the best way to look for your match, is not to look at all. If you're occupied  with activities you enjoy, and focus on being your best and happiest self, love may just find you.