Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Hillary's Hair: Why Do We Care?

She’s baaaaack. After the flu and the concussion and the blood clot. After Fox News accused her of malingering to avoid testifying about Benghazi, and the world elected her its most admired woman, trumping even Michelle Obama, Hillary survives. She showed up at the office yesterday, looking healthy and rested. She smiled dazzlingly and her eyes twinkled. She wore a very unstatespersonlike hot pink jacket and— I can feel myself hurtling down the slippery slope here, so stop me before I reach bottom—her hair looked fabulous. Like I care. Really, I swear on Martha Washington’s grave, I don’t. But in the interest of giving the public what it obviously so desperately craves, this entry will consider what is most fascinating about Hillary: her hair. The multi-purpose, wash-and-wear, devil-make-care, flip-and-flare, imprisoned-in-a-rubber-band snare, too short, too long, Hillary hair.

At the party I attended on New Year’s Eve, a man I’d known and respected for years, a major Hillary fan BTW, said, apropos of absolutely nothing, “So what’s with Hillary’s hair?”
A collective gasp whooshed around the living room. At that moment, the ball in Times Square quivered in its perch. Horns fell silent. Ryan Seacrest, believe it or not, fell silent. Mack, a pseudonym I’ll use for our questioner so he won’t be forced to enter the witness protection program, repeated, because those around him seemed too stunned to answer, “I mean, what’s with the hair?”

I cleared my throat to tell him what. In spades. But his wife beat me to it. She rolled her eyes, reached over and applied a very expert Three Stooges noogie to his balding pate before proceeding to explain in a barely controlled vibrato, “The woman has flown almost a million miles in the last four years. Do you know what an airplane's re-circulated air does to hair? Turns it to straw.”

I chimed in, “When I shampooed in the hard Los Angeles water last month, I had to use half a bottle of L’Oreal’s Total Repair to untangle my curls. The tap water even in the five star hotels in Sudan (do they have five star hotels in Sudan?) doesn’t approach the quality of camel pee. That’s what the Secretary of State of the foremost (maybe still) western power sluices through her hair.”
“Hey, Mack, you seem to have hit a nerve,” a male voice contributed.

It had come to this. Men commenting on Hillary’s hair. Okay, Rush Limbaugh gagging over an unfortunate upsweep do of Hillary’s and posting a Bride of Frankenstein doctored photo on his website. Rush, I can understand. But normal men?

Women I forgive. Our hair, and other women’s hair, is an obsession of my gender. Not because we don’t possess the intellect for more lofty obsessions, but because we’ve been conditioned (forgive the pun) since childhood to be ruled by our hair. Take me, for example. This is my second post about hair and my blog has only been up since July. I am mortified. I am repentant. I am writing this.
“Why doesn’t anyone talk about  John Boehner’s hair? Looks like a wig to me. And do you remember Tom Delay’s shiny black plastic toupee. Did you ever hear comments about that?” This was called in by a woman on the far side of the room.

From another:“Carl Levin’s comb-over starts an inch above his left ear.” The Democrat senator from Michigan has to be in terror of a high wind. “Does that make the New York Times? What about men and appearance?”
“They say Chris Christie’s fat,” a male voice countered.

“And they, whoever they are besides dietitians, find it endearing. Half grizzly bear, half Teddy and he takes no crap from no quarter. The man swings weight, among other anatomical features, and he’s admired for it.” I sighed. “The Huffington Post ran a slide show of photos spanning the Hillary hair years between college and now. Bangs and no bangs. Headbands. Sexy wavy. Short and sassy. Long and exhausted. She’s probably been through hundreds of hairstyles since Wellesley.” I paused for effect. “Do you really think that’s accidental?”
All heads turned. A conspiracy theory starring Hillary Clinton? Irresistible. Someone muted the televised cacophony from Times Square. “This is a very smart, very shrewd woman,“ I continued. “She’s sending us a message.”

“A message? “ was the chorused question.
“ A message that she’s flexible. She’s adaptable. She embraces change. She welcomes diversity. She’s way beyond superficial concerns. She chooses to sacrifice form for function. She’s willing to put her scalp on the line for these United Sates of America.“ I caught a pre- coup de gras breath.  “Which makes her perfect presidential material. Watch out for 2016.”

The conservatives hanging around the bar groaned in unison and many hands simultaneously reached for the bottle of Gray Goose.
Yet now, just as we have her back, Hillary’s leaving us. In two weeks she’ll be departing the State Department. How she will wear her hair as she ends this chapter in her career is unknown. Maybe she’ll do a Sinead O’Connor. Maybe a perky pageboy, like Mary Tyler Moore's as she edged to the door at WJM-Minneapolis in the final episode. At which point, those who think Hillary was the best secretary of state since John Quincy Adams will no doubt be tearing their own hair. And those who think she’s the devil incarnate will be praying it is her final episode. My fellow Americans, don’t count on it.

In the meantime, in her most recent stepping stone role she will be replaced by John Kerry. John Kerry! Now what’s with that hair?

Toby Devens

15 comments:

  1. Much simpler for a lazy reporter to pull up their photo archives and dig up hairstyles than to dig up facts and make a real evaluation of any substance. As you point out with a woman, they are allowed to get away with it. With a man, they'd be laughed out of the newsroom for even proposing this kind of verbal blow-dry job.

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    1. You certainly know how to turn a phrase, Pearl. And I do think powerful women are still treated differently than powerful men. There's an element of trivializing--if not the accomplishments which,in the case of Secretary Clinton,have been acknowledged, but the accomplished woman herself.

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  2. I may be somewhat unpopular in my opinion, but I think Hillary's hair is a mess and an indication that she was pushing too hard, too fast. It makes her look like the job is getting to her - which is a valid concern for all and pundits. Rather than going with something shorter but easy to maintain, she chooses the old standby ponytail or long, scraggly, dragging-her-face-down locks, when it's not pulled severely back from her face. She can do much better. Now that she's retiring, I hope that she will.

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    1. My sense is the job DID get to her in that it absorbed huge amounts of time, energy and attention. I guess my concern has to do with the focus of the American public and--I am surely guilty of this myself--how we're diverted from what's important in a person (male or female)to the superficial qualities. Agreed: the pulled back nape-of-the next ponytail is not flattering after a certain age (adolescence?), but it sure is convenient. Even short hair consumes precious time to blow-dry.

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  3. Great post. Yes, I watch Hillary's hair! Hate the young pictures of her. She's better off with short. Long doesn't work for her, unless she puts it up. And yes, I travel a lot, and I know that the water in different locations makes a difference. I had long hair in my late 20's. Sometimes I think about growing it out again, but like Hillary, I'd have to put it up, and that's signing up for a lot of daily work.

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    1. Watching Hillary's hair has become a national pastime.I guess we have to accept that..sigh. Anyway,it's better than the ridiculous obsession with the Kardashians who contribute zilch to the world.
      What really irks me are the ugly remarks flung at powerful women in both parties. Nancy Pelosi's facelift, Condi Rice being scolded for lipstick on her teeth. Shouldn't we have moved beyond that by now?

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  4. Funny and beautifully written. I think many men, sometimes unconsciously sometimes knowingly, attempt to deal with the scariness of a really powerful woman the same way its been done for centuries--demean her looks. Yeah, so what if she's smart/effective/clever--she ain't a looker so I can deride, dismiss, and enjoy feeling superior. Maybe someday this will change... but likely not in our lifetime.

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    1. Thanks, Nancy. I think you're spot on. We women have come so far in our lifetimes, I have hopes that by the time our real or hoped-for granddaughters take the stage, they'll be reviewed for the quality of their work, not their looks.

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  5. A winner, Toby, hands down. Or should I say hair down. Consider what this woman has contributed and we focus on her hair? I'm always astonished at the fuss about our tresses. Should the day ever come when evolution has settled the question of the necessity for hair and we're all bald, what will be deride then? On second thought, never mind. (Shudder)

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    1. Hey, Chassie, the tress fuss goes back to the Bible. In many religions, women cover their hair because it's considered a distraction to men who are doing the serious work. Of this, as a female, I have no firsthand knowledge. Personally, however,I respect a woman's choice to wear a sheitel (wig) or a hijab (scarf) in accordance with her religious beliefs. I also respect a woman's choice of any hairstyle that suits whatever standards she establishes for herself. Even bald. Not for me, though. My sense is I have a conehead under my curls.

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  6. Joe and I are fans of Hillary. How she wears her hair is her own business and has nothing to do with anything. She is a brilliant woman who has contributed so much and still has more to contribute. She was her husband's best asset when he was president. We feel she needs a much deserved rest and should conserve her energy and concentrate on taking care of herself. She could cetainly act in an advisory capacity to heads of state or any politician or states person who has decisions to make. We agree with your comment about her being flexible and open to change since she has changed her appearance at various times in her life. Again what hairdo she has is not of any importance. Why focus on somethng so insignificant. Gloria and Joe

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    1. Thanks for responding, G and J. I'm with you on what really counts about Hillary or Christie or anyone who represents us on the national and world stages. None the less, most of us (myself included) are--in spite of our supposedly high ideals--fascinated with the superficial characteristics that humanize our leaders. I have a feeling Hillary gets a kick out of the "hair style watch." I hear she has a great sense of humor.

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  7. Spot on! When I think of all the hair styles I have tried over the years, I can only be sympathetic with Hilary's dilemma. At least we know she didn't stick the American People with the cost of bringing a personal hairdresser on her extensive travels - nor did she foot the bill ( also pardon the put) herself.

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  8. Hey, Audrey, good to see you back. You make an important point--no hairdresser at tax payers' expense. Of course, it's a lot easier to make naturally straight and glossy hair presentable than to wrestle with curly hair (as Chelsea must know). In any event, may she live and be well, Hillary --both parties agree--has earned a pleasant retirement out of the public eye. How long she'll remain in relative seclusion is anyone's guess. I wouldn't make book on "forever."

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